Deuil Apres Suicide: Pour la Vie
 
  En Mémoire d'Eric - In Loving Memory Of Eric.
  FRANCAIS - BIENVENUE! A LIRE
  Eric.
  LE SUICIDE - AGIR & PREVENIR.
  VIDEOS - LE SUICIDE
  Musiques de l'Ame
  Poèmes du Deuil
  Désir de Continuer
  Beaute(es) de La Vie
  Méditations
  Prières Boudhistes & Chrétiennes.
  Foi d'Espérer
  Liens Utiles Suicide.
  ENGLISH SITE
  Poems
  Faith
  => Fierce Goodbye - LOSS Foundation
  => I am Home In Heaven
  => Prayer For Survivors
  => When Someone Takes His Own Life
  => Prayer For Survivors -
  => God, Take This Child
  => White Ashes - H. Inagaki
  => Welcoming Death With Acceptance
  => The Struggle To Understand Suicide - Father Rolheiser
  => Not Our Own Children - Father Rolheiser
  Inspiration
  Useful Links to Survivors
  If You Are Suicidal
  A Killing Desease
  Poems For Survivors
  Notre Playlist De La Semaine
Fierce Goodbye - LOSS Foundation

People who suffer from mental illness are often deprived of quality of life. They are in this incredible pain and truly this pain has crippled them and paralyzed them and prevents them from enjoying life to the fullest.

In many instances they are going through the motions of life but that is all it is --- just the motions. Inside they are dead due to the pain of their mental illness. They struggle with all of the vicissitudes of life and they seek help from various venues and they keep drawing a blank and they find no relief from the pain of their illness. Their lives are filled with hopelessness and despair. Who knows how long they have struggled with this pain? Who knows the depths of their pain?


Only those afflicted know the answers to these questions. But from my experience people who complete suicide have struggled long and hard.

These people are not cowards or babies. They have put up valiant battles with the most incredible pain known to humans. In many instances they have sought help but the help didn’t relieve them from their pain.

Maybe there was temporary relief but the pain came back with ferocious attacks. Maybe the medication offered temporary relief but then the pain returned. It could be that some never sought help because from their perspective, suicide was the only answer and the only solution.


Unfortunately, people who complete suicide saw that act as their ticket out of their pain. They saw no other option.

Is this fair to them? Let me assure you that your loved ones have attained peace and have attained an existence where there is no mental illness and no pain.

We should not worry about the victim's eternal salvation. God is infinitely more understanding than we are and God's hands are infinitely more gentle than ours.
Imagine a loving mother, having just given birth, welcoming her child onto her breast for the first time, and then you will have some image of how the suicide victim is received into the next life.


Again, this is not an analogy. God is infinitely more gentle, loving, understanding and motherly than even the most perfect mother on earth.

We need not worry much when an honest, over-sensitive, gentle, over-wrought and emotionally crushed person leaves this world - even if that exit was far from ideal.

However, even given that truth, we should not expect that our faith will take away all the pain of losing a loved one through suicide. It is not meant to take it away, but rather to precisely give us the sense that the one we lost is in far gentler hands than our own and is now, after so much pain, finally at peace. Faith gives us insight but does not, of itself, take away the pain of loss and death.

Finally, we the living who loved that person must refrain from second-guessing ourselves with every kind of haunting question: What else might I have done? Where did I let this person down? If only I had been there? What if . . . ? We are human beings, not God. People die of illness and accidents all the time and all the love and attentiveness in the world sometimes cannot prevent death. We must recognize that we are dealing with an illness which, like cancer or heart disease, can be terminal irrespective of every human effort to restore health. There are sicknesses that no humans can cure.


We can grieve our inadequacy as humans, but we are not God. Ultimately we must take consolation in the fact that we loved as best we could and that we have not really lost this person. He or she went back to God.

Our job now is not to second guess, but to trust - trust that God is far more gentle and understanding than we are and that God, who is adequate, can give this person a peace that we never could"

October 2004.


 

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